Grumpy Cat's Worst Fanfiction Ever!
by Shinigamilover2
Summary: Human AU. Donnie is a bullied teen with no friends until he stumbles on a familiar cat with a never ending frown on her face. Now Donnie tries to bond with Grumpy Cat, but she just makes all the more difficult for him. But little does Donnie know, that Grumpy Cat is about to turn his world upside down. Rated T for crude humor and violence.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a story featuring everyone's favorite internet meme; Grumpy Cat! So, this is a story where Donnie and the other turtles are humans and Donnie uses all his allowance money to buy a pet he will come to think of as a friend. Little did he know, he'd end up with a cat that is constantly grumpy and has the voice of Aubrey Plaza. So, enjoy!**

Donnie P.O.V.

Scrapes, bruises, and a bloody nose. That's what I get sent home covered in. My dad isn't happy that I get bullied constantly, I'm a blue belt in karate and am close to a black belt, so why am I constantly getting picked on 24/7 at school?

"Why can't I have friends like Mikey?" I asked dad as I wiped my nose clean of the blood with a tissue I took out of the car's glove box.

"Not everyone hates you. Your brothers love you" my dad said clutching onto the car's steering wheel.

"That's different. They're family, I want friends that aren't related to me by blood or that they're married" I said, referring to my brother Leo's fiance Karai, who was a Japanese exchange student in the same Astronomy class as him in his senior year of college.

"I know it's been hard for you, Donatello. But I promise things will look up soon" dad promised. I'm covered in bruises and I have a bloody nose, does it look like things are looking up? I don't think so. If I ever said that in front of my dad, he'd ground me for sure.

Splinter Homato isn't really my dad, he's my adopted dad. He took my older brothers, Leo, and Raph in when he saw them stealing old food from a dumpster, and then he took me in when he saw me being beaten up in the middle of a shopping mall by my abusive mom (the reason I have only one tooth missing in the very center of my top row of teeth). And as for Mikey, let's just say he was kept in an orphanage that smelled like crap and no one wanted to adopt a kid from there.

"I'm not so sure about that. It's been years and... not a single person wanted to hang out with me, just beat me up" I said stuffing the bloodied napkin in the door pocket.

"Donatello, every single school you switch to has been bad for you. You've hardly given one a chance" my dad tells me. This school was the seventh school I transferred to. Every single one of us went to separate schools. I ended up transferring to school after school to escape the harsh bullying environments and

"I try, but it's always so scary for me once I get through the door. The only thing I want is a friend" I said. That was my one wish, one I wanted to be granted more than a girlfriend.

"Do you wanna transfer schools again? All it takes it two phone calls, one per separate school" dad offered. I went wide-eyed and jumped in my seat.

"No no no no, I'm fine I'm fine! I promise" I told him. I only wanna stay in this school is because none of the others had a girl I ever really had a crush on. Her name was April O'Neil, she was about my age (15 years old) and we have five out of six classes together (Lunch included) and she never really noticed me. I wanted to do something to get her to notice me and maybe get her like me too.

"Are you sure?" dad asked. Nodding was the only thing I did to respond.

"Oh, I just remembered something. Look behind your seat" dad said pointing his thumb to the back of my seat. I looked behind to see my piggy bank, I took it up off the floor and I put it on my lap.

"Dad, why is my piggy bank in the car with us?" I asked, curious as to know what my dad was up to. He then pulled out a twenty dollar bill.

"It's Friday, which means allowance day for you" dad said putting the dollar in through the slot.

"Thanks, but it still doesn't explain what it's doing here" I said. Dad chuckled and pulled off the road and into the parking lot of the biggest shopping mall in the city, right across the street from the Empire State Building.

"The mall? Dad, what's going on?" I asked curious with my piggy bank still in my lap.

"You will see, my son. You shall see" he said, leading me out of the car and into the building. He then lead me into the elevator to the fifth floor and then took me into a store called 'Paw Pavilion', which was a pet-shop.

"Um, we're not buying Raph another turtle so Spike can mate with it and have babies, aren't we?" I asked. Dad just laughed, thinking I was joking. In reality, I wasn't. I was dead serious. Raph wanted to start his own family of turtles and he needed a female turtle mate for his male turtle Spike (who practically means the world to Raph).

"Of course not, I've had that discussion too many times to get it into your brother's brain that we are not buying him another turtle, and a female one at that" dad said with a hand on my shoulder. I knew he said that to joke, not to be sexist towards female reptiles.

"We are buying you a friend" he said. My eyes widened.

"Really?" I asked. He just nodded.

"Go ahead, pick out anything you want" he said. I then handed him my piggy bank and I looked around. The first thing I looked at was a white cockatoo bird that had a large yellow Mohawk on top of it's head, and had yellow spots on it's tail-feathers.

"Okay, not that one" I said to myself. I remember watching a YouTube video where a girl tried to get her two cockatoos to sit on a pumpkin to take a Halloween photo, one of them went up to her head and tugged on her hair with it's beak. I don't want that to be me, so bird is off the list.

"No dogs either" I said passing by a black and brown furred beagle in a cage. Dogs are too loud and the last thing I want every morning is a wake-up call that involves my face getting a tongue bath. I then saw lizards in a tank.

"No, they're still reptiles. Imagine if I got a female and Raph's turtle fell in love with it and we'd end up getting turtle-lizard hybrid babies" I said shuddering at the very end. I do not want hybrid reptiles crawling around the place, like in one of the many horror movies my younger brother Mikey watches all the time. I then looked up at a sign above my head and it said 'Cats'.

"Hmm, cats are quiet, they make soft mewling noises and 'meows', they love to cuddle, they purr when you give them attention, they love to play, and they love to give attention back" I thought. Maybe a cat is the type of pet I'm looking for. A cat it is! Now I just need to find one I like.

"Aww, look at you" I said to one orange tabby cat licking it's paws in a baby voice.

"You wanna come home with me, little kitty?" I asked still in a baby voice.

"Will you stop it with the baby voice already? It's giving me the mother of all migraines!" a voice called out. It sounded like Aubrey Plaza, from that one movie 'Life After Beth' (Yes, Mikey showed me that in case you were wondering).

"Who said that?" I asked looking behind me surprised, thinking a person or another teenager was behind me.

"I did! I'm in the cage next to the one with the orange tabby!" the voice called out. I then looked to my left only to see a white fluffy cat playing with a ball of yarn.

"The other one, genius" the voice said again, but annoyed. I then looked to the right and saw a mixed breed cat with white and brown fur. It was a female, her eyes were big blue orbs and she had an under-bite, she looked like she was frowning.

"What? You've never seen a talking cat before? Good" she said squinting her eyes some more. Wow, her personality matched her expression, this is one of the most grumpiest cats I've ever seen in my entire teenage life.

"You're certainly are grumpy" I said to the cat. I can't believe I was talking to a talking cat (if that was even possible).

"That's just how I am. Not to mention that's my name too" she replied.

"Your name is grumpy?" I asked.

"Yes, you gotta problem with that?" Grumpy asked.

"Um, no" I replied.

"Good, so you wanna adopt me or not? I'm sick of doing nothing in this stupid cage all day. Even playing with yarn makes me wanna yawn" Grumpy said. She was bitter, and she wasn't exactly the kind of friend I wanted. But then again, how many kids my age get to have a talking cat? Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to take her home with me.

"Excuse me, sir" I said to one of the employees filling up one cat's bowl up with water.

"Um yes, how may I help you" she asked.

"I'd like this one, please" I said pointing to Grumpy.

"Didn't your parents ever tell you it's rude to point?" Grumpy asked with a snarl.

"Excellent choice. I'll go get the paperwork for you" she said going to the back room.

"I'm Donnie, by the way" I said to Grumpy, introducing myself properly.

"And I don't care" she said turning her head the other direction. Something tells me that Grumpy and I's new friendship is gonna get to a rough start.

**A/N: There you have it. Chapter 1! Donnie has chosen Grumpy Cat as his new pet/friend. And I had to make at least ONE YouTube reference in this chapter (the cockatoo one) and we do know about how Donnie is bullied no matter how many times he switches schools, but this time he wants to stay at this one school because April attends it with him.**

** More to come in the next chapter. Please review, thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

** A/N: In the last update. Donnie adopted Grumpy Cat from the pet store, and now he thinks he's adopted a new friend, but what he really adopted was a large bundle of 'I don't care', 'No', and 'Whatever'. So, this is where we left off. Enjoy!**

Donnie P.O.V.

I walked out of the store with Grumpy in my arms and we went into the elevator.

"Elevators? Really? Why can't we take the stairs?" Grumpy said to me. I'm so glad dad had his headphones on, listening to 'Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch' or whatever old-school music he listens to, or else he would have freaked about over hearing Grumpy talk.

"It's faster, not to mention stairs are too tiring" I said to her, to get her to see why we took the elevator.

"Haven't you seen the movie 'Devil'? The one where those people get trapped in an elevator to be killed by Satan? What if that's us next?" Grumpy asked over exaggerating with her frown still in-tact.

"That was just a movie. If we were to get stuck..." I said but Grumpy cut me off.

"We'd all kill one another and eat each other alive? Oh boy, a Donner Party re-enactment in an elevator" Grumpy joked. Man, this cat had a cruel and mean sense of humor.

"No, I was gonna say the maintenance workers will save us. Not to mention there is a button on the elevator to press in case we do get stuck" I said. We then exited the elevator and walked to the parking lot. I got into the backseat and had Grumpy sit on my lap.

"Why do I have to sit on your lap? You're not a James Bond villain or anything" Grumpy said squinting her eyes. I just rolled my eyes and responded to her.

"Because I don't want you tearing up the seats. Dad doesn't like it when we trash his car" I replied.

"Well can I at least tear your jeans up?" Grumpy asked.

"Heck no! I'm not gonna ride home from the mall in my underwear. That's too embarrassing" I said to Grumpy while blushing.

"Wait, you've come home from someplace in your underwear before?" Grumpy asked.

"Can we just forget about it?" I asked Grumpy while my face got redder.

"No, tell me what happened" Grumpy insisted.

"I don't wanna talk about this right now. I'll tell you when we get home, I promise" I said, trying to get Grumpy to shut her mouth.

"Now! Tell me now!" Grumpy growled.

"Okay okay fine! A bully stole my pants during gym class hid them somewhere in the school. The nurse didn't have any back-up clothes and I couldn't use anything from lost and found, so dad brought me home in my underwear. Happy?" I explained. Maybe Grumpy would shut up after I told her this.

"I'm a cat of my word, I promise not to say anything else until we get home" Grumpy said lying her head down in my lap. My face went back to normal, no longer red from embarrassment.

"Are you a boxers or briefs kid?" Grumpy asked. I growled and began blushing again.

**(A fifteen minute drive from the mall, later)**

As soon as we got home, I took Grumpy out the car and walked into the house.

"Guys! I'm home!" I called out.

"Hey nimrod, I'm in your arms. I'm so close to your mouth and your yelling almost made me go deaf" Grumpy said with a squint.

"Sorry" I said. I kinda felt silly that I was apologizing to a talking cat. I then saw my younger brother Mikey walking down the stairs wearing a white tank top, and black shorts. He must have been getting ready for tennis practice while dad and I were at the mall.

"Oh, who's the cutsey wootsie kitty?" Mikey asked getting closer to Grumpy. Grumpy obviously didn't like how my brother talked to her like that, because she hissed at him.

"Woah!" he shouted backing away from Grumpy and I.

"Sorry, she doesn't like baby talk" I apologized to Mikey.

"It's okay" he said.

"Anyways, I got her at the pet store. Dad took me to the mall to adopt her after he picked me up" I said looking down at Grumpy.

"Oh yeah. How's your nose?" Mikey asked pointing to my nose.

"Well, it stopped bleeding now. I guess it's okay" I replied.

"I'll see you later, Mikey. Good luck at tennis practice" I said walking up to my room. I then put Grumpy down on the carpet and I shut the door.

"Welcome to your new home, Grumpy" I said, wanting to make Grumpy feel welcome in my room.

"This pigsty is your room? There are chemistry sets, 80's teen comedy movies, and motivational posters all over the place. This room has 'Geek' and 'Nerd' written all over it" Grumpy said looking around my room.

"I know it's not much, but you'll get used to it eventually" I said. She then looked at me.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's gonna happen" she said sarcastically to me. She then got up on my messy purple covered bed.

"What is it with you and purple? And when was the last time you made your bed? Seriously, it smells like pizza and sweat" Grumpy said before sniffing the sweat spot on my bed and jumped off the bed and into the desk.

"Try your best not to pee on the desk, I have to do my homework on that" I said to Grumpy.

"I can't make promises I can't keep, Donnie" Grumpy said turning away from me and up to the wall.

"What's with the poster?" Grumpy asked me. I then looked up to see my favorite poster of Walt Disney World and Epcot Center. It was at night and there were fireworks in the sky.

"Oh, that. I haven't been to Disney World since I was eight. What I wouldn't give to go back there" I said sitting down in my office chair staring up at the poster with her.

"Really? That's what you want more than anything? To go back to Disney World to relive old memories when you were little?" Grumpy asked me.

"Well, yeah. When you're a teen sometime you wanna relive the memories that made you happier than anything else when you were little" I explained with a smile.

"Why can't you be normal and ask for an unlimited supply of tuna?" Grumpy asked sarcastically.

"Because I'm allergic to tuna" I said. Yeah, I have a tuna allergy. It clogs my throat up and I get hives, so I keep an Epipen in my bag as a 'Just-in-case' sorta deal.

"Oh, sucks to be you then" Grumpy said as she began licking her paws.

"I know we're getting off to a bad start, Grumpy. But I know we'll be great friends someday" I said with hope in my eyes.

"Believe what you want" Grumpy said rolling over to the other side of me and stared at the blank computer monitor. I really do hope she comes to like it here with me.

"Donnie! Pizza for dinner tonight! Come and get it!" I heard a voice say. It was Leo, he must have come to spend some time with us after spending so much time with Karai.

"I gotta go. I'll bring you some tuna for dinner as soon as I'm done eating okay?" I promised Grumpy before leaving the room.

Normal P.O.V.

"Such a nice kid. Eh, like I care" Grumpy said as she saw Donnie leave out the door and began licking her paws again.

**A/N: I know it was a short 'Normal P.O.V.' moment near the end, but I had to find a way for Grumpy Cat to say that at the end of the chapter, because she really doesn't care. So, yeah, Donnie really wants to go to Disney World to relive childhood memories (who wouldn't wanna do that? Disney land/world is awesome!).**

** More to come in the next update. Please review, thanks!**


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